Merry Booshmas
by southpark33
Summary: Vince and Howard try to make the best Christmas ever for each other and all hell breaks loose! Bad summarry, I know. Howince


**I just had to do a Christmas story! This is so sweet I got a toothache while I was writing it, but it's a Christmas fic. I have an excuse! Happy holidays to you and yours in this beautiful time. I wish you all happiness and health in the New Year! What's that? You want to get me a Christmas present? Awww, how sweet, I'd love a review! Heh heh, JK! Although, it would be nice.**

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Howard woke to the sound of Christmas carols. Bollo practicing for Christmas party DJing, he bet. A cold draft hit him and he burrowed deeper into the duvet and pulled Vince closer to him. He smiled and stroked the shiny black hair. It had been almost five months since they had become a couple and they were still very much in love. As far as he was concerned, he was the luckiest man in the world. Vince stirred against his chest and opened his big blue eyes. He looked up and smiled. "Morning." he sighed, kissing Howard's chest.

"Morning, Love. And Happy Christmas Eve." Vince murmured happily and pushed himself up to give the bigger man a kiss.

"Our first Christmas together." he said, still glossy-eyed and sleepy. "Bollo's getting into the spirit, I see."

"I'm surprised you haven't yet. My mum won't recognize you if you're not all dolled up." Vince frowned.

"What's your mum got to do with anything?" Howard sighed and pulled Vince back down. He took one of his hands and entwined their fingers.

"I was sort of hoping, if you wanted to, that is, that you would come to Leeds to have Christmas dinner with my family. I mean, you don't have to, you would be trapped in a room full of northerners, so-"but he was silenced by a violent kiss to his mouth followed by a look of pure joy from Vince.

"You really want me to come to Christmas dinner with your family?" he asked, adorably innocent. Howard just smiled and nodded. Vince squealed and gave him a bear hug. "Thank you, thank you! This Christmas is going to be great!"

"I hope so!" Howard laughed, but a new sense of responsibility loomed over him. He'd never had a girlfriend or boyfriend to spend Christmas with before. He had to make it amazing.

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When Vince emerged from the shower he came back to an empty bed. He looked around, alarmed, for a couple of minutes before he heard Naboo enter the room. "Howard's gone out shopping." he lisped. "Said he'd be back in a little while."

"Oh. Hey, that's good, actually!" he said enthusiastically. "Naboo, I need you to help me cook."

Naboo's eyes widened. "_You're _going to cook?"

"Shut up, yes I am! Howard's invited me to Christmas dinner with his family and I want to make something we can bring."

"Yeah, I'm gonna go ahead and stay out of this." Naboo said, cringing. "You cooking isn't going to end well."

"Get stuffed, Naboo. Hey Bollo, do you know how to cook anything for Christmas?"

"Of course Bollo does." he grunted proudly. "My family has an old banana bread recipe. Always a big hit."

"Great, let's make that!" Vince said happily. "I wonder what Howard's doing?"

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Howard strolled around the shops in town. He'd already bought Vince a Christmas gift a while ago, but it was a gag gift (a trumpet) that he'd gotten before they became lovers. Sometimes his efficiency and orderly nature really backfired. People were rushing all around him, shoppers looking for last minute gifts. He buried his hands deeper into his coat pockets and sighed. God, he hated shopping. Then something caught his eye. He stopped in front of a shop window and smiled. That was it.

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"Vince, you stirring too fast!" Bollo yelled.

"But it's all lumpy! It needs to be perfect!" he whined.

"The lumps are bananas, you ballbag."

"Oh...well, I'm not a ballbag!" he poured the batter into a cake pan and pre-heated the oven. "Where the hell is Howard? He's been gone all day!"

"He's probably getting something for you." Naboo said quietly, a bit scared by Vince's manic behavior, but it went unnoticed as Vince slammed the oven door.

"It's Christmas fucking Eve! He should be here with me! You know, sitting 'round the tree, drinking cocoa, something for God sakes!"

"Vince, calm down!"

"I can't!" he yelled. "I'm stressed! I hardly ever deal with it so I don't know how to when I get it!"

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"Oi, you there!" Howard turned around to see an angry man just as he was leaving the shop with his gift for Vince. "I promised that necklace to my wife a week ago! I demand that you give it to me!"

"Did you reserve it?" the cashier asked.

"No, but I promised her!"

"Well, if you didn't reserve it then it's mine!" Howard shouted, irritated. "I want to give this to someone special too, all right?"

"Sweetheart, is that the man who bought my necklace?"

"Oh God." Howard groaned as some little ginger tart came waltzing up to the other man. "Look, your husband didn't have dibs on this necklace! Just leave me alone, I would like to go home!"

"Give me that necklace!" she screamed, jumping on Howard.

"Beat his arse, Poppy!" the man shouted. She wrenched the bag out of Howard's hand while he was stunned and pulled out the necklace.

"Hold on, this ain't the necklace I wanted!" she shouted. She threw it against the wall and let go of Howard. "You're a right idiot, Dan! Honestly, how could you make such a stupid mistake!" Howard retrieved the necklace only to find that the stone pendant had multiple cracks in it from hitting the wall.

"Miss, can I trade this in?" Howard asked the cashier angrily.

"Sorry, no refunds. Happy Christmas!"

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Howard barged into the shop, still absolutely furious. All he wanted was to give Vince a great Christmas and so far it was turning out terribly. Then he noticed the house smelled like smoke, and not the regular smoke that came out of Naboo's hookah. He ran upstairs to find Vince and Bollo hunched over the oven with a fire extinguisher.

"Vince, I said one hour, not two!"

"Shut up and help me, you stupid furball!" Howard groaned and grabbed the extinguisher away from Vince and put out the flames of whatever they were trying to cook and turned off the oven.

"What the hell are you doing?" he yelled at Vince.

"What the hell have _you _been doing? You've been gone all day doing God knows what! Probably at some pub checking out someone else."

"Vince, you've gone wrong!" he yelled. "I was out doing something for Christmas, you idiot! I go through hell and I have to come home to this? You practically set the house on fire!" Vince looked like he was about to cry for half a second, but then he shoved Howard aside.

"I was trying to make something for Christmas dinner, you bastard!"

"You didn't need to! My mum cooks everything!"

"Fine! If she doesn't need me to cook then she doesn't need me to clean either!" he screamed. "Come on Bollo, we're finding me an outfit." he grumbled. Bollo growled at Howard but went with Vince anyway. Howard gave himself a Chinese burn. He hadn't meant to yell at Vince. He looked over to the oven and saw that he was trying to bake some sort of cake. He smiled at the gesture despite himself. Maybe he should talk to him...

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"Bollo, what about this?" Vince inquired, presenting himself in a tight red turtleneck and green drainpipes.

"Vince look like Christmas angel."

"Urgh, more like the nightmare before Christmas!" he groaned as he looked into the mirror. "I can't go see Howard's parents looking like this!" He rifled through his closet and threw things out randomly. "I can't find anything to wear!" Bollo sighed and shook his head.

"Vince need to stop worrying. Howard's parents love him."

"Yeah, but that was before I was shagging their son!" he cried. "I've never done the whole meet-the-parents thing before! And I've already pissed Howard off today!" He broke down and sat on the floor. "I'm just a shit boyfriend. I can't do it." There was a violent knocking on the door.

"Vince, what are you doing in there?" he yelled. "I need to talk to you." Vince ran up to the door and threw it open.

"Oh, I'm not doing much, just trying to get ready to see your parents on Christmas! It's really not that big of a deal!" he yelled hysterically. "Honestly Howard, you can be right thick sometimes!"

"Well, you're one to talk!" Howard yelled, regretting it as it came out. Vince's face turned blood red and the look in his eyes could have scared the kid from The Exorcist.

"SCREW YOU!" he screamed. He picked up a nearby jacket and ran down the stairs. "Obviously, I'm not wanted here!" He pulled on the coat and ran out the door. He bit his lip to stop the tears, but they still came rolling down. He'd wanted so badly to give Howard a perfect Christmas and now he'd ruined it all. Howard probably didn't even want to be with him anymore. What had gone wrong?

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"Bollo, let me go!"

"You make precious Vince cry!"

"Don't kill me! I have so much to give!"

"What the hell's going on?" Naboo yelled as he went into Vince and Howard's room to investigate the noise. Howard was pinned to the wall while Bollo was repeatedly beating him with his huge fists.

"Howard yell at Vince and he run away in the cold!" Bollo yelled.

"Honestly, why is it when couples get into fights that one always runs off?" Naboo sighed. "Howard, you need to go find him and apologize. He was only trying to impress you. He's nervous as hell to meet your parents. Bollo, let him go. Besides, if you kill him then Vince will never forgive you." Bollo nodded stiffly in agreement and let Howard go with one last punch to the leg so he stumbled when he tried to walk.

"Thanks Naboo." he squeaked as he picked up the necklace and ran out the door. It was just starting to snow and the new flakes were slowly covering the layer that was already on the ground. It was getting colder and the streetlights were coming on. He went to the center of town and tried to find his way to the Velvet Onion or another one of Vince's regular haunts, but he surprised to see that he had already found him. He was standing and looking at the large fountain that was in the town square. He looked mesmerized and Howard didn't blame him. The water had frozen while it was still running and so it looked like a frozen painting. The new snowflakes were covering the rim with a white coating. It was absolutely beautiful. He went up to Vince and grabbed his shoulder. He gasped and looked up. When he saw who it was he immediately tried to run away, but Howard was stronger.

"Vince, I just want to talk to you! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Tears came down Vince's face again and he started sobbing.

"I'm sorry too. I'm sorry for being a shit boyfriend." He stopped struggling and slumped down next to the fountain. "I was gonna take you here, you know. This fountain freezes over every year in the winter. It's all pretty and romantic. And now I've gone and ruined everything! I'm just an embarrassment to you!" Howard crouched down beside him and gathered him up in his arms.

"Is that why you were so upset?" he asked. Vince looked down and nodded, now seeming embarrassed.

"I'm sorry. I just sort of...freaked out. I really want to show your parents that I'm worth their time." Howard pulled him closer and kissed his head.

"Vince, you don't need to do anything to impress my parents or me. You're already perfect as you are. My family knows that I love you more than anything that's all they need to know." Vince cracked a small smile.

"Do you mean that?" he asked.

"Every word. In fact, I was out all day because I was trying to get you this." He pulled the necklace out of his pocket. It was a rose gold chain with a tear-drop sapphire pendant, which was now cracked. Howard meant to tell him how it got that way, but Vince's eyes lit up.

"Howard, this is genius!" he squealed, putting it on. "The cracked effect is very in right now." Howard inwardly sighed with relief and smiled when Vince crawled up his chest to kiss him.

"So...we both drove ourselves mad to make the perfect Christmas for each other." Howard said slowly. "Well, aren't we just a couple of messes?" Vince giggled and hugged him tighter.

"I think there's a lesson in that, though." he said thoughtfully. "Kind of like what happened in that story about the Grinch. About how Christmas doesn't come from a store. It's all about love."

"And I love you more than anything, Vince." Howard said seriously. "Always remember that."

"I love you too." Vince told him. "You're the greatest Christmas present I ever got."

"I think I got a better one." Howard told him, tickling his ribs. He giggled and snuggled deeper into Howard as they watched the snow fall.


End file.
